Charlie’s story

There have been many times throughout my career, especially when I have been in leadership roles, where I have felt the weight of a problem. In these moments I have often felt unsure about how to proceed because there was no one ‘right’ way forward. During these times I’d find myself prioritising work over my personal needs, be it food, relationships, or exercise. I’d spend longer and longer at my desk, telling myself that if I just worked harder the perfect solution would materialise. Needless to say, this didn’t work. Often, it simply resulted in me becoming rundown and unwell and feeling frustrated and resentful.

I knew that self-care was important but being neurodivergent I often found many of the self-care ideas unappealing. Over time, I began to re-think what self-care meant for me. I didn’t have to schedule time for massages and bubble baths, or to sit idly in the sun. None of that was relaxing or rejuvenating to me. 

I learnt that for me, when I have an issue I can’t solve and am unsure about how to move forward, the best thing I can do is go for a run or do some other form of exercise. Often, this is when I’d process everything, and the next step would then make itself known. 

I learnt that while I may not have felt hungry, I had to nourish myself and eat something that felt good to me. Finally, and most importantly, I learnt that not knowing how to solve an issue didn’t make me a ‘bad’ leader. I learnt that there was nothing wrong with reaching out to colleagues, mentors, or friends and asking for their input – or even just for an ear to vent to. Not only did this help me stay connected with people important to me, but also provided me with the perspective I needed to move forward. 

While my self-care looked very different to the self-care around me, it served me in a constructive way and even though I was never ‘perfect’ at it, it went a long way to ensuring that I was able to take care of my community.