Creating a successful mentoring relationship
1. Set expectations together at the very beginning
Agreed expectations will set the foundation for measuring success. To make sure that the mentoring sessions are helpful for the mentee, you should consider what actions you should increase, decrease or continue doing.
Agreed expectations will help the mentor and mentee to assess the process. These questions can be helpful for self-assessment:
Are we both keeping to our agreements? If not, how can we change this?
Do I [the mentor] see behaviour change and action from my mentee?
Am I [the mentor] leading the process according to the mentees’ pace and agenda, or mine?
Are we respecting and considering each other’s individual needs?
2. Take a genuine interest in your mentee as a person
Ensure you are listening and make a conscious effort to really pay attention to what your mentee is saying, instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. You might worry that you need to come up with something helpful right away, when in fact, the best thing you can do is to listen closely to what they are saying, ask open questions, dig deeper and act as a sounding board. Hitting the pause button will create moments to reflect on the type of feedback required to support the mentee.
3. Improve your understanding of the other person
Any time you become a mentor for someone, you will find yourself getting to know their unique personality, their wants and needs, the experiences that have shaped them and how they deal with different situations.
The best mentors know how to unlock this information by asking the right questions, reading their mentee’s body language, being open-minded and noticing their own emotions.
4. Do not assume anything about your mentee, ask them questions
It is easy to fall into stereotypes or not see a situation from another person’s perspective. Great mentors recognise that it is their responsibility to break through common assumptions by asking questions and digging deeper. Share discussions about your disabilities and how you may have been stereotyped or underestimated in the past. Have you done the same to others?
5. Be forthcoming about mistakes you have made
Being open to sharing your own mistakes and difficult times is one of the best gifts a mentor can give. Not only is it helpful information for problem-solving, but it also helps build trust, gives them permission to share their own mistakes, and strengthens the relationship overall. Frame mistakes as the most valuable learning opportunities. If a mentee is sharing how they feel they failed in a situation, ask them if they can ‘flip it’ to how they can use this as a learning experience. Find the value.
6. Celebrate the mentee’s achievements
People often look for or call upon a mentor to help them with tough situations. Sometimes this can mean that many mentorship conversations may revolve around the negative. When you take the time to highlight and even celebrate your mentee’s successes and achievements, you are not just balancing out the mood of those conversations, you are also building your mentee’s confidence. You are reinforcing the good and keeping them focused and motivated.
7. Seek out classes or projects related to skills your mentee wants to develop
Look for, and create situations where, mentees can get involved to learn new skills they have been hoping to learn. Take note of the areas in which your mentee wants to grow and always be looking for opportunities to point them in the right direction.
8. Lead by example
Be a positive role model; your mentee can learn a whole lot from you by simply observing how you behave.
Mentees pick-up information about your ethics, values and standards; style, beliefs and attitudes; and methods and procedures.
Being a great mentor takes practice and patience. The more you work with a given mentee, the more you will learn about them; their communication style, how they process feedback and how they go about pursuing their goals.
You will also learn a lot about yourself; how effectively you can explain ideas, how well you are able to manage your emotions, and whether you are able to provide a direction that motivates others. [3]
3. Chu, K. (n.d.). 10 tips for being a great mentor [PDF]. Baruch College. https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/eoc/files/2016/02/EOCNewsletter_winter15_10-Tips-Great-Mentor.pdf